The Steve Nam Podcast

Now, if you were struggling to quit porn and you want to quit porn for good, here are going to be five mistakes that most people are making when it comes to quitting porn and how you can correct them right now. Okay? And the fifth one is going to be the most crucial that you need to change or at least get right if you want lasting success in your recovery journey. All right, so let's talk about it.

The first mistake that most people make is addressing the symptoms but not the root cause. Okay? When you rely on willpower alone, it can only help you to stop watching porn for so long. It only lasts for a limited amount of time.

And the reason why you have this issue continuing to show itself is that you're not digging deep and figuring out what's going on at the core level. You're not under covering the underlying reasons for your desire to watch porn in the first place. And so the most important thing that you can do is to not just address the symptom, but get deeper and figure out what's happening at a root level.

That's going to likely be an emotional level and a spiritual level, and you've got to face it and deal with it head on. Okay? The second mistake that most people make when it comes to quitting porn is that they're setting unrealistic expectations. They think that, man, why can't it just happen immediately? Why can't it just happen instantly? Or why can't it happen overnight or within by next week? Why can't I just all of a sudden be done with this desire forever? We all wish that we could just quit cold turkey and never have a craving for porn again, right? I have seen the testimonies of some people who said, well, God just delivered me in an instant and then I never craved porn again.

And I'm not doubting their testimonies. I'm not here to speak about that. And I'm definitely not doubting the power of God and that God can deliver us.

He can deliver us from anything in an instant. He can do something supernaturally that would just be an undeniable miracle, an instant miracle. But I think that miracles can happen also through a process.

What I've observed is that victory is often achieved through a process of character transformation, where God actually does identity change and character morphing so that you become the man that he wants you to be. Right? I think that if he just removed your desire, well, maybe there's a lot of other work that comes with you transforming to become more like his son. And so when you actually get on that journey, that recovery journey, where you actually start working with things at a root level and giving enough time and enough patience and enough understanding that this is a process, this is not an instant change.

You give yourself the best chance of not just stopping to watch porn, but changing into the man that he wants you to be. And I think that porn is just the gateway to so many other things that God can do in your life, where once you get rid of porn, you start unlocking so many other areas of your life that now you can use this newfound energy to pour into and start transforming and start improving. And then before you know it, you become a new man, not just who's free of porn, but free of so much else.

And who's walking with Christ, aligned with Christ and aligned with the heart of God. Right? So rather than just instantly removing your desires, I believe that God wants you to work on your character. Right? He wants you to have your identity rooted in Christ so that you will be the man that he wants you to be, that he's called you to be, that he wants you to show up as for your family, for your wife, for your community, for your work in this world, whatever he's calling you to be.

Right? And that is not going to be an overnight transformation. And so if you think that it's just going to be like, oh, why can't I just be done with this once and for all, once and forever, right? And never experienced this craving or this feeling where I want to watch porn again, that doesn't happen through just one moment in time, but it happened through a process. Okay? The third mistake that most people are making is that they are ignoring the obvious signs.

There's some obvious things that you can correct or that you're probably not doing, or maybe that you're just in denial about. Oh, okay. Well, maybe it's okay that I just am on the Instagram Explorer page.

Feel me? Maybe it's okay that I just going to those sites or watching those movies that start to tempt me and get my arousal going, right? It's okay that I just look at these pictures or read this magazine or whatever it is, you know what your triggers are, you know how you start going down the path. Maybe it's okay that I just believe that, hey, you know, porn is normal and I need porn and porn helps me relax and all this kind of stuff that you just, these mini agreements that you say yes to, you can probably correct. It's just an obvious thing that is in your life that you allow it to stay there, but you're not actually doing anything about it and you're leaving it there.

And so you stay addicted and you're repeatedly acting out. And anytime that you bring your computer or your phone to the bed, you know what ends up happening next. But you just walk down that same familiar path.

Well, guess what you should do? I think you know the answer, right? You might want to consider changing that habit up, right? And if you think about it, think about someone who goes to Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and they say that they're committed to recovery and that they are ready to just make a change in their life. They're done once and for all with alcohol, but at the same time, they go and they hang out with their friends every day at their local bar. And while, of course, you know that they're taking a step to going to Alcoholics Anonymous and they're getting into the right community, they're also at the same time allowing themselves to be in a certain environment and go into a place that's likely the start of the pathway that leads to their vice, to them acting out.

If you were their friend or something like that, you'd be like, no, dude, that's not a good idea. You know, if you were an ally for them, you'd say, listen, you've got to get rid of everything in your life that leads you down this path. And you've got to raise the chances to the max of you getting sober of this.

There's no middle ground. There's no having your cake and eating it too, right? If you think you can make progress while being so conflicted in the actions that you're taking, it's just fool's thinking. So, of course, you want to address the reasons behind your action.

That's very important. You want to get, figure out what's going on at a core level, but you also want to make your recovery easier by making choices that are going to support your healing, support your recovery and not actually harm it, not take you further away. When it comes to pornography, you know the pathways, you know how it happens, you know how you go down that so fast by making these seemingly innocent little mini agreements with yourself.

It's just a stairway that all of a sudden, boom, you're in it in just a matter of seconds, a matter of minutes, a matter of hours, whatever it is, you're allowing yourself in the day to just say, well, I'll make this small compromise and I think I'll be fine. But you know, deep down that it's not a good idea. So you're ignoring the obvious choices that will help you in your recovery.

And so the fourth mistake that people are making when they're trying to quit porn is that they're attempting to go it alone. They're trying to be a lone ranger on this, right? I get it. You might think that you don't need anyone else or that you're strong enough, right? I can figure this out by myself.

I'm a smart guy. And you might believe that what the real problem is, is that I'm just not trying hard enough, right? Like I'm smart enough to do this if I really wanted to, but it's just because I need to want it more. I just, I don't really want it for whatever reason.

I'm lacking motivation. Right? Just need to get a little more serious about it and then everything will be okay. I'll turn the corner.

I'll make a full recovery. And from experience, I fooled myself with this mindset for over 20 years. I constantly believed that freedom was just around the corner.

I was like, okay, tomorrow is the day that I get free. Tomorrow, next week is the day that I start walking in freedom. After this stressful period of, you know, of finals, of midterms, whatever it is.

And then it was like, okay, after this stressful period of work, of this project that I'm working on, it was just like so many periods in my life. I mean, and it was ongoing that I just kept saying, okay, next week, next month, next whatever, someday I'm going to get free of porn. But if you could overcome this issue on your own, if you could have been done with this by now, wouldn't you have done so already? Right? Wouldn't you have actually been free by now? But the truth is you've been struggling with this in secret for far too long.

And you don't want to let your pride and your ego that wants to tell you that you're a strong man and you can be strong on your own. That's actually what's keeping you weak and slave and in bondage to this sin. Right? It's just this false sense of strength.

But in reality, you're weak and addicted. It's keeping you down. It's keeping you held stuck.

And so pride and, oh, I know better than everyone else. I can be the exception. That thinking is going to be the reason that you never get free.

Okay. And the fifth mistake that most people are making when they're trying, this is akin to the blind leading the blind. Right? And so if a friend offers advice to you on how to stop watching porn, you can just ask them.

I appreciate you looking out, man. Question for you. Do you still watch porn yourself? Right? And maybe they say, well, yeah, every now and then I still kind of struggle with it, but I'm working on it, made some progress.

But for me, it's really like infrequent now, just like every now and then. Right? I know it's a bad habit, but you know, I'm almost there. I'm almost there.

Okay. That's great. I'm happy for them, but don't take advice from them.

There are people out there who know what it takes to get free and to be free for good. Okay. Very likely that you should not be following their suggestions, but maybe they're working on it and they can point you to people who have been free.

And so you just ask him, well, that's awesome. Can you tell me what, like, how did you start making progress? And can you point me to somebody who has actually been there? I'd love to meet them. I'd love to talk to them.

I'd love to ask them some questions, love to pick their brain, whatever it is. Right? It's, it's common sense. Stop talking to people who are still trapped in a porn addiction.

Okay. If they haven't experienced what it takes to break free from it, they cannot genuinely understand what's either necessary or unnecessary for you to do so that you can achieve true freedom. Right? That's the type of person that you don't want to be taking all your advice from.

You want to be looking to take good advice from people who know how to quit porn for good. Okay. Again, no problem in them being your friend, no problem in them being somebody who encourages you.

I'm sure they love you. They want success for you as well. Maybe if they've been making progress themselves, they want to help speak that into you.

And that's great. You know, like take the good parts of what they're saying. But the truth is that they do need to get free themselves before they can actually lead you in what you need to do so that you can get free for yourself.

I hope this makes sense. And I hope that these mistakes that most people are making when it comes to trying to quit porn for good, having lasting change. All right.

So those are the five mistakes that most people are making when they're trying to quit porn and quit it for good and be done with it forever. And so if you're in the middle, if you're struggling, or if you're on the path of recovery, these are going to be the five mistakes that you want to make sure that you are correcting in your own life if you haven't done so already. Or maybe it's just a good reminder to make sure that you're on the right path.

I hope it was helpful and I'll talk to you in the next video.